Women in Prison

Featuring “Invisibility of Women Prisoners” by Victoria Law + “Crafting the Perfect Woman: How Gynecology, Obstetrics and American Prisons Operate to Construct and Control Women” by Anastazia Schmid

Anastazia Schmid

the following are several letters from Anastazia engaging with the topic:

So good to hear from you again. I am working on multiple projects with multiple people, so it may take me some time and multiple letters to get it all out to all of you (should you receive a letter entailing these important discussions addressed to someone other than you, I have purposely done that to avoid redundancy in my writing when time and stamps are so limited to me). I will first address your questions in regard to the article you sent on rising rates of female incarceration.

First, rule violations that extend prison terms for women. This is particularly prevelant in the state of IN. I have now served 17 consecutive years experiencing time in: one county jail, a state run psychiatric hospital, and 4 priosn institutions, both maximum and minimum security within that time. This has provided me great insight on changes, trends, and on-going issues within the system as well as indivdual facilities; some of those issue overlap, some are unique to the institution. I only have direct experience with institutions of this sort in the state of IN, so my observations will mostly pretain to here. From what I have learned, we are afforded more programs than most states, and on a whole, the institutions I have spent time within here have very little internal violence. These are important notes as that is not necessarily the case in other women’s prisons in other states. One thing that remains consistant here, and I believe is partially because there is so little violence within these facilities, is the high charges and sanctions for petty internal offences. Minor infractions, particularly those things that would NOT be illegal outside of prison, can and often are, highly criiminalized inside. One of the main targeted areas for sanctioning (especially within iwp) is ANY offense that is deemed “sexual.” Keep in mind, this often includes acts that have nothing to do with sex and are not sexual, ANY human contact can, and often does, incur these charges. ie hugs, hand holding, causal contact, in some cases, even a physical gesture or words (written or verbal) with no contact at all, also importantnt to note whatever the case may be, in women’s prison these “offenses” are 99% of the time consentual. This not only provides a fertile ground for targeting homosexuality, trans, or other gender non-conforming women, they consititute “high” offense charges which means a persons good time can be taken, meaning they will serve longer prison sentences. Beyond that, there are several other non-outside illegal things that are equally criminalized and result in longer prison sentence. I have recently encountered a woman who has served an additional 2 months in prison for tobacco. At nearly $63. a day to incacerate her, you do the math on that, then multiple it for the hundreds who will similarly do additional time for nonillegal acts. More soon

Anastazia

If we were to attempt to do analysis on internal charges, a very inaccurate and false picture would be painted by solely looking at offense charges and number of those offense charges. A total list of all class B offenses for “sex acts” may make it appear as though half the women in the prison are having open explicit sexual relations. In reality, the majority of those charges would not have entailed anything even remotely sexual, but n such distinctions are made. This is particularly crucial when you consider that anyone attempting to file for a sentence reduction/modification within the court system is required to send a progress report to their judge and prosecutor. What that report will, in part, consist of, is a segment that lists any and all internal offenses, yet that list will not include any details as to what actually happened. In other words, all the court sees is “Class B violation: sex act.” or in other instances involving non-outside illegal things “possession of unauthorized contraband,” (the latter could have been a confiscated burrito a friend made them, of course no one would ever know that was what we are actually talking about, or what really happened). So whether or not these internal offenses result in a loss of good time, having one or more of them on your packet could, and often does, result in a woman NOT gaining a sentence reduction or the ability to have her sentence commuted to some type of alternative sentencing: ie house arrest, community correstions, drug court, halfway house, etc. she will instead be forced to serve the entire sentence inside prison. This is exponentional more expensive than alternatives as I have previously mentioned. I think in all regards the crucial questions we need to be asking is not how much of a detriment or threat these incarcerated women are to society, but how much of an ASSEST these women are (and to whom/what) they are to the system that holds them captive in the fullest extent of the word. If women in prison are not in fact behaving in ways that would result in criminal confinement, then how do you insure they remain criminally confined? This is particularly tru when we consider the women who have been labeled as “violent offenders.” (more on that next time).

In solidarity,

Anastazia

(cont. )

So if we take a deeper look at female “violent offeders.” It is not only the aformentioned issues that pertain, but also the fact that a higher percentage of those women are first time offences, the case involved personal or third party (namely, their child(ren), or the offense itself was committed by a man they were associated with. None of those circumstances are given substancial weight in either the charge and sentencing phase, or after the fact in consideration of sentence reduction, parole, and/or clemency. The number of women that I personally know who fall into this category, with one or more of the aforementioned circumstances is substancial. What I notice is the fact that almost no one among this group has been granted any of aforementioned sentence reductions or an early release, despite the fact that there has NOT been any further violent action (or any other act that would be considered illegal outside the prison). Most of those woman have exhausted “rehabilitative” program and have little or no internal conduct issues (or if they have had conduct reports, they are of the aforementioned issues). More often than not, they are the very women who live in “honorary” housing units and hold “honaray” jobs inside the prison. Their chances of recidivism are virtually non-existant. And yet these are the women who will serve their sentences more often than not, in its entirity. There are a few women who come to mind I find this the most distrubing when considering. One woman is over 80 years old, she has served nearly 30 years consecutively, with zero internal offenses. Within the last year she was denied clemency for the THIRD time! Another is in her 60’s, she has served nearly 25 years with minimal conduct issues. The parole board unanaymously voted for her release last year and yet the Governor vetoed that clemency granting on the grounds that “society would be best served” by her not being released. Who is this “society” he speaks of? And what htreat does this woman actually pose? to who? or in what way? Another is in her nearing her 60s, she has served nearly 40 years, on multiple life sentences. She was a teenager at the time of the crime, has an extensive history of abuse and trauma, has completed basically all internal programming available to her and also has minimal conduct issues (the majority of which occured while she was still in her youth and early adulthood) she too has been denied clemancy multiple times. The question we need to ask is that even if a woman does commit an act of violence that results in a criminal charge and conviction, first of all, what are ALL the circumstances that occured before and during the commission of that crime, secondly, is this her first offense? and most importantly, what she she done with her while in prison? Particularly if NO violence has occurred since that (often solitary) act of the crime itself, especially if a decade, or multiple decades have passed since. What is the point of keeping those women behind bars? To answer another question you asked, no, there are no alternative sentencing options for the female “violent offender.” There weren’t any nearly 20 years ago, there aren’t any today. As a matter of fact, with those type of charges we can’t go to places other women could More soon

Anastazia

(cont.)

So no diversionary or alternative placements for female “violent offenders,” and also, next to no work release or post-incarceration placements either. This is but one of the current problems for incarcerated women in IN. At present the ONLY DOC workrelease that allows a woman with a violent charge is the one here at Madison, which the max capacity that I have seen quoted is approximately 60 beds (though scarsely more than 30 [and I’m being generous with that number] are ever filled at any one time. Keep in mind what this means geographically. ANY woman in IN DOC with a violent charge has NO option for workrelease other than at this location. The percentage of women incarcerated from this area is extremely small, but beyond that, a few of the women that I know who had violent charges and were from this county, who were workrelease eligable, were NOT allowed to come here, BECAUSE those crimes happened in this county. At least 2 of those women served over 20 year sentences, both were teenagers at the time of the crime, one of which was released last week (I believe from RCF), without being given the time of transition within there sentence to more adequently prepare them for life on the outside. I was told that the latter actually spent longer inside than she was supposed to because there was difficulty finding her housing outside of prison! On that note and in regard to some of the aforementioned cases. Some of the argument for refusing to release those long term female prisoners is that there isn’t anywhere for them to go! Tis is problematic in and of itself. Why isn’t there anywhere for them to go? Who is responsible for ensuring there will be outside placement, and WHEN do we start to figure out where that might be? Theoretically, the state knows exactly when someone is scheduled to be released, short of the immediate release (which next to never happens, or if it does, is usually because of earned good time credit, in IN that is a max of 4 years under the old law, and 2 years under the new (post 2015) law, meaning, you could still calculate the approximate time frame for a “best case scenerio” of earned time that may give an immediate release).

Let’s go back to the charges and sentences themselves for a moment. We must also consider the number of these women who never went to trial. More often than not, a woman signs a plea bargin (often coersively). In at least 2 cases that I personally know of, one woman was a teenager, she did commit the violent act but was considered an accessory to the crime. She was coerced into signing a HUNDRED YEAR plea bargin! The other is a mentally challenged woman, who was also coercised into signing a plea bargin of over 100 years!!! In their cases, there is no legal recourse they can hope to appeal to in order to reduce that sentence. At best, both women will have to serve no less than 20 flat years before appealling to the clemenancy board/ and the Governor, and we have already seen how that works for women in the state of IN. The other area people fail to address, is how many of these woman once they are released ever commit another violent offense? I know of only one in this state and she was NOT released to the free world but into another state run institution, she has since passed away while serving time in prison. More soon

Anastazia

(cont discussion)

Beyond the aforementioned issues of the denials of early release, espeicailly for female with violent offense charges, we must look at mandatory minimums. This is especially pernicious in a state like In whose constitution proclaims that the “purpose of incarceration” is that of “rehabilitation” and NOT of “vendictive justice.” How is continuing to incarcerate a person who has exhausted “rehabilative” programming and NOt displayed violence for over a decade or more NOT vindictive? Under mandatory minimums a person could NOT be released from prison in less ime than that mandatory minimum regardless of what they do (or in the case of violent behaviors what they ARE NOT doing). Inother words, if the mandatory minimum for a murder charge is no less than 45 years (this is actually higher under the current sentncing laws in this state), than a person could not be released from prison any earlier than what must be served within the guidelines of that sentence (old law, a minimum of 50 % of that sentence, under the new law, no less than 75% of that sentence). For a person like myself, I would be forced to serve no less than 22 and a half years at bare minimum regardless of what I do or don’t do while in prison. In my specific case, the prosecutor (who under IN jursidiction apparently has has more power to determine a sentence than a judge) refuses to even consider reducing my sentence to that mandatory minimum (in my case this still would NOT give me an immediate release, but still leave me roughly another 2 years to serve inside priosn). Despite exhausting internal rehabilitative programs, and even creating additional programs and furthering my own education (my current cv is over 7 pages long and I have stopped adding to it in the last year and a half, not to mention the fact that I am a PhD candidate, on top of completing all current programs and groups available to me), my prosectuor recently wrote to my attorney:

” While I am pleased that Ms Schmid is doing so well, I am not in a position to agree to her request for a hearing on Modification of Sentence. You may ask, what would it take? Frankly, I can’t think of anything, but I will let you know if/when I see it. If you have any questions, don’t hesitate to contact me. Thanks Kirk. Sincerely, Jerry Bean, Chief Deputy Prosecuting Attorney.”

If I am not eligible for an early release, who is?

Awareness of these issues regarding incarcerated women is not enough. It is easy to become aware of a problem and still not do a damn thing to change it. The real work comes through affirmative ACTION. We have to actually DO something about these problems, not just talk and write about them. Scholars and other elites (sometimes even lay persons) have been aware of many of these issues for decades now, and still nothing has changed except for a RISE in incarcerated women. We continue to be lumped into categories that don’t apply to us, or to be completely silenced, or are not included in these conversations or programs of reform. WHY?

More soon’

Anastazia

What we have at the heart of these issues involving incarcerated women is institutional sexism (to expand Stokley Carmichael and Charles Hamilton’s idea of institutional racism). When we oppress women to this degree (and in vastly rising porportions) we directly negatively affect the next and future generations due to the myriad ways incarceration, particularly longterm incarcertion, will negatively affect these women’s children (or lack there of. Long prison sentences during a woman’s reproductive years effectly commits a eugenicesque genocide by effectively preventing reproduction. Just as mass/hyper incarceration has been argued to be a backlash (or frontlash) to both the abolition of slavery and the civil rights movement, it has also quickly become the same against a women’s liberation front. On a side note, I am particularly disgrutled by the current feminist “Me Too” movement, in that the recent public outcry of a few prominant, often famous, women’s sexual abuse/ harassment, etc. highlights these atrocities with those women as if such things are new and should be addressed and ameloriated for them (not saying they shouldn’t) but it disregards the countless women who are NOT of that level of affluence or position who endured just as much or worse, then, and now; or the hundreds of thousands of invisable women behind bars that continue to endure these levels of violence everyday as a matter of routinue, normalized business (for one, the repeated and countous “strip search.”) We cannot pretend that sexual violence against women is some rare occurance. Why now host the “Not Me” campaigne? It would house a far smaller number of women. It is time that ALL woman are allowed to come to the table and the forefront of the violence we have endured for centuries, and not just the handful that have acquired the level and “right” to publicly speak out. We need to address WHICH women we see as vitcims/survivors and WHY we more often will BLAME a victim for her own victimization, as if the majority of those women are somehow deserving of, or brought on their own abuse. Unfortunately the latter is the predominant belief in these discussions. I have been asked no less than a million times why I didn’t do something differently to stop the abuse I endured, yet never once have I been asked why he was abusing me. More soon

Anastazia

Atrocites against women in this country are not the exceptional pertain to a select few, it’s the rule. This can hardly be considered surprising when we consider the fact that we currently have a self proclaimed “pussy” grabbing president, or the fact that we continue to live in a country that will uphold a woman’s right to have her vagina photographed and then sold for the purpose of viewing consumption but will not uphold a woman’s right to speak on her own behalf on any level of legal litigation (as the latter has been the case for myself and far more women than I can count to whom I personally have known over the years). Further more, when we silence the abuse women endure, particularly in criminal and civil proceedings, we inadvertantly UPHOLD a man’s right to victimize women and girls. When we prosecute a woman to the fullest extent of law and allow her no further reprieve or mercy, even after decades of punishment, we not only further victimize that woman , we victimize her children and her community, society as a whole, while sending the message (perhaps inadventantly) that women who step out of the bounds of male subserviancy will suffer draconian consequences and be further silenced, plus lose what little rights they have and possibly also be permanantly disenfranchised as well. We are well aware of the innumerable ways patriarchal rule and male entitlement has oppressed women, but what we still fail to address are the way other WOMEN add to that oppression. Vikki, you ask what needs to be done, well, in part, a call to action from WOMEN in positions of power. Just as Michelle Alexander called out President Obama in The New Jim Crow, we as women, inside and out, need to call out the Michelle Obama, Loretta Lynch, and Hillary Clinton’s (and every other woman who sits on a bench or among a legislative commitee) of the world. We cannot stop female oppression while women in positions of power idlly sit by (or worse, condone) the oppression, violence against, and silencing of other women, free as well as incarcerated. We can no longer afford to believe the lies that create seperatism and elitism, as though women behind bars are somehow inherently flawed or less deserving of protection. At the rate women are currently be incarcerated, for the length of time and for anything and everything, NO woman can afford to think this can’t or won’t happen to her or someone she loves. How many women do we need to lock up before we do something to change it? Do we have to surpass the million mark like men had to in order to have large numbers of women released from captivity or before powerful political leaders take notice and redeem the error of the systems ways? more soon

Anastazia

We need to look at TIME, the amount that has been served by an indivdual and what they have done during that time. We need to look at restorative and reparative modes of justice. How do we collectively work to heal BOTH sides of the equation when a crime is committed, and also heal the communities affected. On that note, we need to address and repair the systemic problems that foster crime: poverty, abuse, addictive, mental illness, un/underemployment, lack of/inadequate: housing/employment/food/education/skills/training. We need to impliment preventative and proactive programs for the aforementioned issues. If many of those problems ceased to exist the majority of crimes would never have happened.We need to seriously look at WHo and WHAT is profitting off mass/hyper incarceration and how power structures remain interconnected to insure this industry continues to EXPAND. We need to INCLUDE the voices, experiences, and knowledge of incarcerated and formerly incarcerated people into both the dialogs and decision process with any issue involving incarceration. We need transparency inside prisons, jails and other institutions of confinement, and we need to maintain open communication with those inside. The average person in America has no idea the realities of this system or the long nefarious history it is founded upon, likewise they have systematically been conditioned to believe rhetoric rather than reality by the mainstream media that has done nothing but solidify false perceptions and negative stereotypes about prison and the people there within. Women in prison are the poorest people in the country and least seen or heard, we need to reach out and stay connected to our mothers, sisters, daughters, cousins, aunts, neighbors, coworkers, fellow church and community organization members, colleagues and fellow students, wives, mothers, lovers, friends, ANY woman who finds herself behind bars, in every way, including tangible ways of support. We can’t just talk about, write about it, argue about it, report it, we have to do something to change it. That change must happen on both an indivdual level and a collective level, public and private, in law and life.

Please write with any questions or need of clarification on any of these points. I will write more about the current artle you mentioned (Vikki) and more on the books (Lamont). Hope to hear from you both soon.

In solidarity always

Anastazia

So yesterday I sent you no less than 7 emails to respond to the questions you asked about the previously sent articles (I also sent those responses to another friend who sent me some books and asked for my commentary to be shared with a discussion group on the carceral state, many of the topics overlapped so it just made sense to send my commentary to both of you simeltaneously). Moving on to this other letter and the questions you asked. I instruct the cosmetology students here (I will soon have my official instructor’s license as I am over half way in the required hours). Several factors that differ here:

1) this is a low security level facility and hence a short term facility. You must have less than 6 years to be here. The majority of this population is actually at around the 2 year or less mark, so yes you are correct in your assumption that for most, they simply do not have enough time to engage in anything meaningful

2) this facility has the intensive drug treatment program which takes no less than 9 months to a year to complete. By the time the majority of the people here make it through that, there isn’t enough time left for anything else. One of the DOC stipulations to drug treatment programs is that a person HAS to be down to 2 years or less to even go into one of those programs (which of course is insane in and of itself, waiting until the END of one’s sentence to provide treatment is counterproductive. For one, a person generally maintains active addiction in mind, and often in action as well, throughout the entire incarceration. If they stop while in that treatment program (and let’s be real about it, many do not, they use the entire time in some fashion or another, or simply switch one addition for another), there still is not enough time inside a theoretically controlled environment to practice the skilled taught and to actively work on relapse prevention).

3. In this day and age, judge’s in IN are sentencing to people to what they are referring to as “purposeful” incarceration (which means they are expected to do the intentive treatment program and upon successful completion with modify the person’s sentence in some way, often granting an early release. I find this concept somewhat appaulling, in that if there now exists such a things as “purposeful” incarceration for the “low level drug offender” what the hell does that make the rest of us who are locked up, purposeless? warehoused? NO treatment for any other issue/problem/or offense? Again, this is already proving minimally effective at best. which moves on to the next point

4. In the short just under a year ttime that I’ve been here, I have watched the same people return (not to mention plenty I have seen over the years come in and out to the other facilities) and many of those people “successfully completed” the “treatment” program. Some are back in it yet again, and some of those, yet again, comtinue the same addictive patterns the entire time, doing solely because they are made to or with the incentive of yet another early release.

I do agree to a point with the study you shared. The opportunity of a postive nature a person has to choose from, the more likely they are to do so. However as time progress the state continues to DECREASE programming and eliminate groups and classes, so do the math on that one too.

As for mail, yes, decreased mail across the board. People without families with tech are SOL. More soon

Anastazia

Response to Resistance Behind Bars, by Victoria Law

Anastazia Schmid #122585, currently incarcerated in Madison Correctional Facility

Hello. As always, it is good to hear from you. Stamps are always needed and appreciated to keep communication open. My life is extremely busy. More so than most people I know in the free world, but I have come to realize the importance of my work inside in regard to the current dialog, as extension/ addition to Vikki’s book. I wear many hats, but those hats have a common denominator. I am a teacher, and through that, a healer. To understand what I am about to explain, I need to share some of my story.

When my incarceration began in early 2001 I was a mess to say the least. Years of horrific abuse and trauma led to the crime for which I was committed. I lost everything. All my assets, much of which was stolen within hours after the crime (I was a sole proprietor business owner. I also worked in a local hospital). All my personal belongings were taken. I was left penniless. The financial devastation didn’t hold a candle to the larger losses: friends, some family, but mostly, myself. I was completely bankrupt in mind, body and spirit. The county jail’s (as I may have previously mentioned) answer to dealing with a human being completely lost and devastated is to ship them off to some clinic/doctor/psych hospital, etc and have them pumped full of dope. There is a name for this: chemical restraint. It equates human zombification, a chemical lobotomy, and it leaves you nothing more than an empty shell, void of thought and emotion. This was the new state I would enter and remain in for the next 2 + years of my life.

I remained in that drug induced state all through my trial, sentencing and into my prison transfer. I arrived to the intake unit with a stack of no less than 15 med cards, the strongest psychotropic drugs available, in dosage levels higher than the recommended dose, and in dangerous combinations. Needless to say the admit nurse threw over half those cards straight in the trash, informing me that I would not receive, under ANY circumstances, those types of narcotics within the facility. I didn’t realize it at that moment, but that discarding of most of those meds saved my life. Within the first few weeks of prison, things became much worse for me before they got better. Detoxing off all that dope and coming out of chemical restraint was nearly unbearable. Up until that point I had been oblivious to what had actually happened and the reality of the amount of time I had been sentenced to (55 years). I freaked out and was stripped naked and sent to close observation, eventually seen by the shrink and moved to the “special needs” unit, the prison psych ward. I could not fathom spending what would equate my lifetime sitting in rocking chairs doped up and drooling, coloring children’s coloring books with the other “crazies.” Within weeks I would go through all manor of testing. Upon seeing the physician and receiving results of my admissions tests, he informed me that had I stayed on the regiment of drugs for another 30 days I would have been dead. My labs showed toxic drug poisoning levels, and near complete shut down of vital organ function. This should have been good news that the drugs were stopped in time to spare my life, but with reality setting in, I wanted nothing more than to die. I would spend the next few weeks planning to do just that. I had been I have no doubt that I would have succeeded. On the day I planned to carry out my decision (shortly before Christmas in 2002, less than a month after arriving to prison). As I set in to carry out the task I experienced what can only be called a spiritual awakening, a supreme moment of enlightenment. That moment changed everything.

What I experienced that day is difficult to explain or describe in terms most people would understand. I was stopped cold by a force greater than myself (and yet a force that was always within) in the action I set out to commit 3 times. After the third time it was as if I held a supreme knowledge to everything that was, is and ever will be simultaneously. Followed by a deep sense of knowing that I AM the captain of this ship (so to speak) I could CHOOSE my life to be whatever I wished for it to be. That I alone held the answers to everything I was seeking. I returned to my cell oddly feeling deflated and defeated. I curled up in the corner and sobbed, clueless as to what I was to do next or HOW anything was going to be different than it had been, different than it was (clearly seeming to be one of the worst positions a person could find themself in). I suppose that was one of my first moments of true surrender. I asked to be showed the way, and then cried myself to sleep. The next day was decidedly the first day of the rest of my (new) life. I went to seek out the unit counselor to find out what opportunities and options the prison had for classes (beyond the nonsensical “groups” and “classes” held on the special needs dorm, consisting of coloring pictures and sitting in rocking chairs while listening to music). At first I was completely dismissed in my inquiries. Apparently the people on that unit NEVER took classes or did anything outside that unit besides maybe attend church services. I was persistent, returning day after day insisting they enroll me in the cosmetology program and back into college (I had recently completed my certification in phlebotomy prior to coming to prison). The counselor originally thought I was delusional when I told I WAS in college and held a high GPA. I wouldn’t stop pestering her until she finally agreed to call the last college I attended to try to receive my transcripts. She honestly didn’t believe they were going to know who I was or actually have transcripts to send. She was shocked when they confirmed my enrollment, certification and GPA. That was one of the first apologies I would receive. It was not uncommon for any authority figure in the prison to assume that any person labelled with any sort of mental illness must also be mentally disabled. I proved them wrong time and time again. That counselor then became my advocate. She pushed to get me enrolled in both cosmetology and college. I began the vocational program in July, and then started college (Ball State University) again in Aug of 2003. Thus began my journey into healing and self exploration/ actualization.

I would spend the next 3 years voraciously reading any and everything I could get my hands on, both for school as well as independently. Anything I had ever had an interest in, I’d get every book I could find on the subject, read them all, then check the reference pages for all the pieces and parts than inspired that work, and read all of those too. I had gained an astronomically amount of weight from the meds. I went from 138 lbs (at 5 foot 9 1/2 inches) to 267 lbs! In addition to feeding my mind, I began the slow process of reclaiming my body. I returned to my once loved practice of yoga and meditation (which remains at the top of my list for a suggestion to any human being that wants to heal, recover, lose weight, strengthen their body, control their thoughts/ emotions, reach spiritual awareness, etc etc etc),. At first I could only walk and breathe. I would tire after only a few steps, but I would rest a moment, then get back up and keep going, no matter how long it took me to make it around the track in the rec yard. Eventually I lost enough weight and regained my senses enough to start working out again. I d
id weight lifting and various forms of cardio in addition to more advanced yoga practice. I began incorporating spirituality and practices back into my daily routine as well, additionally studying world religions. I realized that the problems most of us have are due to living unbalanced lives, so every day was a dose of something productive for all levels of my being: mind, body, and spirit. I charted myself for months: my thoughts, emotions, experiences, memories, hopes, dreams, goals, what I ate and when, how much I slept, body functions and rhythms, everything. I explored every aspect of myself inside and out and every aspect of my life fearlessly and honestly. I took every class, group or extra curricular activity available, particularly the ones that spoke to the person I have always been, art, crafts, theater, music. I weened myself off the last few meds that remained, lost all the weight, graduated both cosmetology and college within 3 years. By 2006 I earned 2 college degrees, an associates and a bachelor’s degree graduating summa cum laude, and received my cosmetology license with a 100%. By the following year I would be completely medication free (for that last year I was only on Prozac). I have remained that way ever since. My codes reveal a complete clean bill of mental health. Somewhere within those years others began coming to me for help, the staff as well as other incarcerated women, and people on the outside. People could see what I had done, what I was doing and they wanted to know how I had done it. Hence began my journey assisting others in their own healing and recovery.

I tell this story of my journey to come to the point of the current discussion on resistance. Despite what rhetoric the system and politicians may spew to the general public about incarceration and the “need” for prisons, nothing about these places was ever actually designed to help or make anyone better, or safer for that matter. In actuality, it is designed for the polar opposite. This is about power and control period. The more a person studies and comes to understand the histories, origins and operations of this system, the more they become aware of this fact. In reality, “crime” has very little to do with who ends up here and who doesn’t. Not every person who commits a crime is in or will ever be in a jail or prison. By this day and age that should be common knowledge, and yet it is not. Still the fallacies remain about “safety and security.” To people, society, neighborhoods, the prisons/ institutions themselves. Yet no matter how many prisons have been built people are not any safer than they are without them, and those within them, more often than not, will leave worse than they came in. When a human being is completely stripped of everything, the chance for redemption, evolution, self actualization, betterment, etc are nearly non-existent. To be inside and experience first hand, to witness long term the effects of this system, devastating is the first word that comes to mind. Completely ineffective is the next. If a person does not possess a tenacity of spirit and an ungodly amount of support and assistance, inside as well as outside once they finally reach the other side, they will NOT be any better off because of this, and neither will families, communities, societies at large. Whatever “programs” exist are grossly insufficient, more often than not sounding far better on paper than they work in reality. Anything I came to achieve in these years I obtained through an uphill battle, mostly alone, begging and fighting for whatever tools and assistance I could get. Had I not had the spiritual awakening that I did, I too would have become lost in the system, swallowed alive within these places, realistically, with all things considered in my personal story, dead. If not a physical death, then certainly the mental, emotional and spiritual one I experienced for years after multiple traumas and the abuses of the system itself. All this said to come to the point that the truest form of resistance comes not through more violence and oppression and separation and hate, but through WELLNESS, healing, health, love, and unity. This is why I have spent everyday of this existence bettering myself and helping others do the same. I spend my time connecting others, both inside and outside of prison, so that people will have the actual support they need to heal from whatever ails them and to live better lives. If we are not well and do not love ourselves and life, we cannot love others and we cannot make the world a better place, no matter who we are or where we are. For every woman I have truly helped and who became empowered and now lives a better life and has NOT returned to prison, we are all victorious